From trying to modify your looks to feeling jealous of other relationships, here’s a list of unexpected indicators you’re not ready to date.
Have you gotten rid of the ex?
I’m not suggesting you have to hold a party like the one in Friends when they made a pyre for their ex, but it is necessary to get rid of your ex’s belongings to allow yourself to move on emotionally.
If you still have his hoody or her expensive shampoo, you should donate it.
After many years of traipsing about in the clothes of past boyfriends—T-shirts to the gym and sweatpants to bed—I finally resolved to get rid of all my old relationships. I tossed off my old things and headed right to the stores to get my own men’s clothing.
Do not only focus on your wardrobe. A shoebox full of memories, cards, presents, and letters — if it is holding you back, get rid of it.
They are on their own with Netflix; cancel their subscription. Do not follow people on social media. Clear up your voicemail, WhatsApp, email, and text messages. If you’re still stuck in the past, you cannot begin a new chapter in your life.
If you are feeling apprehensive, question why. You may not be ready just yet. Not a problem. There’s no need to rush; you’ll get there eventually. You’ll feel like you’re losing your old skin.
Are you envious of couples?
When you come across another engagement announcement online, how do you feel? Do you take it personally that you’re not there yet, or are you happy for the couple?
Joy is destroyed by jealousy. It’s tough for me to pretend to be holier-than-thou while writing this. However, attempting to compete with other people’s experiences will just leave you feeling hurried and anxious.
Don’t let an obsession with finding a date take priority over celebrating a wedding or anniversary celebration. You will have missed out on a lot. When you let envy get the better of you, things may get unpleasant.
When dealing with events that cause you to make a rash decision, you are stuck with your initial idea, but you are able to manage your second. Active response: catch and send away that notion. I find it beneficial to use Bible techniques, such as making it obedient to Christ, then thanking God for them. This is the best way to deal with jealousy. If you are able to do this whenever you have a bout of envy, your outlook will change fast, and ultimately that original idea will as well.
Do you believe a change in your look is necessary?
Will you be brave enough to expose yourself once you’ve shed that 2kg? bulkier or taller? Do you think you have to wait for your skin to go clear?
A delicate balancing act exists since dating is dependent on attraction, and physical aspects of that attraction are involved. Therefore, it is essential to look your best, to have put time into what you wear, and to maintain proper hygiene.
However, you don’t need to modify how you appear fundamentally. When making the decision to alter yourself in order to find a mate, take care.
You are a decent person if you attempt to do the right thing, although not always succeeding, and wish to be nice to others, as well as strive to connect with others in various ways.
It’s not necessary to transform yourself for your future spouse. You are who you are. Furthermore, when I asked a focus group what advise they would provide to those in a relationship, one man quickly stated: “People obsess over their appearance.” Beauty is essential, but it’s not crucial. Is there any use in my speaking to them after a hard day of work?
Have you made the relationship your priority?
What degree of importance do you put on getting acquainted with someone? Is it just about your obsession now? Do you think you might be content, your biggest issue resolved, and your life finally getting started if you simply got to meet someone?
You may not be in a good position to start a relationship if you’re seeking it to resolve problems for you. John Steinbeck’s Of Mice and Men has a character named Lenny (some of you may remember this book from GCSE days).
Lenny had a preference for soft things, so when he saw a small mouse, he took it to pet it. However, he accidentally suffocated it while being too enthusiastic. It is best not to suffocate the mouse.
Look at what need you feel a relationship would fill in your life and figure out how to meet that need without turning to a lover. Though a relationship after that would be nice, it’s optional.
Are you apprehensive that you are weighed down by emotional baggage?
Are you carrying emotional baggage? I assume you’re referring to the difficult challenges and hardship you had to endure to reach your current position? Why you have empathy that helps you connect with those who are struggling?
Let me tell you something, from someone who overcame a cocaine and alcohol addiction and became a Christian only five days afterwards (on April 22, 2014): bear your own burden, but do it with your head held high, and thank God that it helped you arrive where you are now.
You can’t expect to be able to tote a Primark rolling suitcase about, can you? Of course not. It’s a Louis Vuitton rolling bag, after all. I find it breathtaking.
Is there a detrimental tendency you haven’t noticed?
Are you in the habit of pursuing people who are in need of repairing or who need a saviour? It might be that you are too quick to consider your ideas “done”.
Do you have a tendency to get turned off by superficial things? Terrified by the early indications of a committed relationship? Are you instead electing individuals who are unavailable to provide and receive emotional support?
If this is true, noticing the pattern and then deducing why is a crucial resource.
What is your self-worth?
Have you come to realise your true value? Are you someone who values yourself enough to refuse anything less than the greatest treatment from your partner?
Can a bad self-image lead you to settle for an abusive relationship? Are you prepared to be loved? Are you prepared to be known in your truest form?
Do you think that by exposing your most flattering and most embarrassing sides, someone would still love you? Do you plan to try to make others want you rather than actually knowing and loving you? These issues are of a great magnitude.
I earned a master’s degree in addiction studies and run a charity course for those with substance abuse problems. In most cases, working with women in a mentoring capacity or as a sponsor, this is the bottom line. That which underlies everything.
It is hard to know your worth if you don’t know your value. The worst outcome, which I also commonly witness on the Recovery Course, is that people who do not root their value in anything may allow themselves to be treated poorly in a relationship, or even abused.
So if this is true, then you’re not safe to date at the moment. If this applies to you, then please get assistance by speaking to a counsellor, therapist, general practitioner, or religious leader. Search for someone you can open up to totally.
Do you have the strength to deal with a breakup?
If you are not ready to handle a failed relationship, disappointment, or rejection with good emotional and spiritual health, you should not be dating at this time.
You will be impacted by rejection, no matter how many relationships you have. You’re allowed to be in pain and to experience it. However, if you are in a situation where that suffering may make you become reckless, seek out destructive behaviour, or force you to experience a mental breakdown, then please be kind to yourself and allow yourself more time. You cannot safeguard yourself from becoming entirely involved and vulnerable if you are planning to be completely honest and transparent.