11 Tips To Deal With A Narcissist Boyfriend Smartly

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Narcissism is a type of personality disorder where a person has an inflated opinion of himself. While self-love is a very important trait to practice, a narcissist takes this to an extreme. If you are dating a narcissist, then you might find yourself wondering on multiple occasions how to deal with a narcissist boyfriend.

Narcissus had never loved anyone until he saw himself and fell in love with his reflection. He died pinning for this love. While his self-obsession proved fatal for him, it is far less dire for those who are detected with this personality disorder. However, for those who have been in a relationship with a narcissist, it’s a whole different story.

Want to know if you are dating one? We will help you understand what are the traits of a narcissist, how their minds function and what you can do to deal with them without letting it take a toll on you.

What Are The Signs Of A Narcissistic Boyfriend?

We might assume a person who takes selfies all the time or checks himself out every time he goes past a reflective surface is a narcissist. But that’s not true. Narcissism is a personality disorder where a person loves themselves the most. It’s more than just admiring yourself in the mirror.

Initially, when you date a narcissist, you may confuse their narcissism for confidence or self-love. It is only after spending some time with them that you might begin to feel that he is just too into himself. He keeps talking about himself, keeps boasting, and wants all the appreciation for just himself. This is a major warning sign that you might be dating a narcissist,

Does this ring a bell? Are you beginning to wonder, Am I dating a narcissist? Then here are some characteristics of a person with a narcissistic personality disorder to take note of and assess whether you can associate them with your partner:

1. Sense of superiority and entitlement : a narcissist can be very arrogant  A man being condescending and demanding

The most common trait of a person with NPD is his superiority complex. A narcissist believes from the bottom of his heart that he is above the rest. If your boyfriend has a narcissistic personality disorder, then he will come off as being arrogant toward other people. His high self-esteem makes him feel he deserves the best and can act quite demanding and entitled about it.

2. Needs constant praise

You would think that a person with such high self-esteem would not need validation from others. But the fact of the matter is a narcissist’s self-image is dependent on other people’s opinions, and that’s why they need constant approval. They feed off the admiration to feel better about themselves. Their ego is quite fragile and it is easy to make a narcissist miserable by not giving them the appreciation they so desperately crave.

3. Can’t handle criticism

It comes as no surprise that a person with such a fragile ego is unable to take criticism. Everyone wants love and attention, to be loved, cherished and understood. A narcissist doesn’t understand that,, A narcissist is more likely to react instead of responding when you tell him that you want to be admired and empathized with. And what we want is a response, not a reaction.

While no one really likes to be criticized, most people can move past it or even take it constructively. A narcissist, on the other hand, abhors criticism. It brings out the worst in them. So, it can be a real struggle to deal with a vulnerable narcissist boyfriend, when you tell him that his pasta lacks garlic or worse if you tell him you make better pasta.

4. Exaggerating and boastful

Does your boyfriend tend to brag a lot? Well, he can’t help it. As I mentioned before, a person with NPD validates himself through others. Due to his fragile self-esteem, he will do anything to be seen as perfection personified. As a result, he will embroider a lot of things just to appear in a better light in the eyes of others.

5. Taking advantage of people

It can be quite taxing to be in a relationship with a narcissist. While some things you will be able to deal with overtime, some behaviors, however, can be too toxic to handle. One such trait is, taking advantage of people.

When you love a narcissist, there will be times you will find yourself bending over backward to accommodate his wishes. He will charm you, twist your thoughts or just become downright scary to get what he wants.

A Narcissist will emotionally abuse you

6. Can’t recognize feelings and needs of others

It is very important to remember that a narcissist’s first love is themselves, not you. While at the beginning of the relationship, it might feel that he is very charming and caring, it is vital to remember that all of it is for his benefit.

It’s not that people with NPD don’t have empathy. It’s just that they prioritize their needs over anyone else’s, even if they trample all over your feelings in the process. As a result, a narcissist, in general, is not able to maintain intimate relationships or sustain long-term friendships.

 

How To Deal With A Narcissist Boyfriend – 11 Tips

Now that you know what are the traits of a narcissist, it’s equally (if not more) important to know how to deal with a narcissist boyfriend. No one really knows what exactly causes narcissistic personality disorder. However, what we do know is that, despite there being no cure for this condition, it is possible to improve the behavior of a narcissist through therapy.

To love someone, you need to accept them the way they are, warts and all. While all relationships have their problems, dating a narcissist is like a rollercoaster ride. When on a high they can be dashing and suave and can completely sweep you off your feet. On the other hand, it can be excruciatingly painful when they treat you like a doormat. Here are some ideas that will help you smoothen the road and retain your sanity.

1. Praise him

Since he is so hungry for appreciation, praising him seems to be a bit counterintuitive. But here’s the thing, there is nothing like criticism to make a narcissist miserable. And the moment you start disparaging, he is going to stonewall you. No matter how reasonable your argument or well-meaning your intentions, he will just not see it. And things will go downhill real fast.

I am not asking you to praise him for the smallest things and deeds. But when he does do something commendable, then appreciate him for it. He will be more open to suggestions that way.

2. When in a relationship with a narcissist, be empathetic but call him out too

I know, I know. I just asked you to praise him and now I am asking you to call him out. And I bet you feel confused as to what you should really be doing. Let me explain.

Like I said before, praise him when he does something good. When something goes wrong and he is frustrated, then do empathize with him as well. Validate his feelings. But if he starts acting unnecessarily arrogant or condescending because of it, then you need to call him out on it. You don’t have to be harsh, instead be polite and firm about it. It is very important to have healthy boundaries when you deal with a vulnerable narcissist boyfriend.

3. Don’t focus on him entirely, break free

Dating a narcissist changes you. And there is nothing worse than watching a person lose their identity to accommodate the needs of another person. Yet that is what exactly happened to Julia.

Julia had fallen for Eric hard. He was fun, interesting, intelligent, and could make her laugh. She couldn’t believe she had landed such an amazing guy and wondered how come no one had already scooped him up. Eric had told her that he was diagnosed with a narcissistic personality disorder. But Julia felt she could easily handle a narcissist. So what, if he likes to check himself out in the mirror every half hour? That is not a big deal. However, three months into the relationship, Julia couldn’t recognize herself anymore.

What had started as a wish to help him work through his problems had now turned into a snake strangling all her aspirations. It was as if he had changed right in front of her eyes. The intelligence and humor that had so charmed her had now become a tool to put her down in front of people in an attempt to glorify himself. Unable to take the humiliation any longer she stopped meeting up with people altogether. In the blink of an eye, she had been isolated.

Julia tried to be supportive of him. She celebrated his highs and let him lean on her when he was down and out. She truly felt for him. Yet day by day it became more about him and less about her, until one day she realized, from the coffee she drank to the movie they watched, to the bed they shared, all were his choices. She realized she had to break free of this vicious circle or she would completely lose herself.

Narcissists can be so self-absorbed that they will just forget that you too need love, admiration and appreciation. You would want these things, and if your needs are consistently unmet, the relationship becomes unhealthy. In such situations, it’s better to part ways.

When you love a narcissist, there will come a time you will realize that your whole life has become about catering to his needs. When that happens, take a leaf from Julia’s book and break free.


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