Codependency recovery is essentially a journey of self-acceptance and self-love. It’s easier said than done, though. The reason for this is that the vast majority of us have never known unconditional love and acceptance.
Our actual self is imprisoned and yearns to be released and expressed. Instead, we have erroneous self-perceptions that we acquired as children. Because of our own erroneous thinking, we are unaware of this. That is the planet we live in when we grow up in a dysfunctional home. We keep looking at the world and ourselves through the distorted lens we were given.
If we’re colorblind to blue, for example, no amount of logic can compensate for the absence of a blue sky. It’s something we’ll have to go through. Similarly, we must feel acceptance in order to know that we are deserving of it. Even so, we’re unlikely to believe it, and we may not even realise it.
Recovery Of Codependency And Deniation
The first barrier to recovery from codependency is denial. It’s the first symptom of codependency to overcome, and it can take time and knowledge because we don’t know what we don’t know! Denial encompasses not only our codependency, but also the denial of abuse, addiction, and other issues. Because of internalised shame from infancy, most codependents deny their feelings and demands. Most of us will have to relearn a set of new abilities that we were supposed to have learned as children once we come out of denial.
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Recognize And Accept Your Emotions
We must learn to recognise and respect our emotions. When we don’t accept ourselves, we’ll use negative self-talk to condemn and doubt them. Nonetheless, our emotions lead us to behave in our own best interests and make the best decisions. The book 10 Steps to Self-Esteem will guide you through the process of overcoming negative self-talk.
Identify And Fulfill Your Requirements
We must also be able to recognise our own needs and know how to address them. For a long time, I didn’t recognise when I was lonely and needed help. I’d continue to isolate even if I did. This originated from a lack of emotional connection with my mother as a child, despite the fact that I was never truly alone. But, like other codependents, I had to cope with negative emotions on my own — or by talking to my cat. So we must first recognise our needs and then figure out how to meet them. We could not realise we have a need and not know how to fulfil it if they have been shamed and not adequately responded to. Reaching out and asking for help can be humiliating for some codependents owing to childhood shame. This is a barrier to receiving help and healing.
Boundaries must be determined.
Knowing our sentiments can assist us in determining whether or not we require boundaries. We must be able to recognise them and safeguard them. We don’t learn about boundaries or how to protect ourselves when they are ignored as children. We learn to communicate assertively and set limits in recovery.